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  • Tracy Hagler

Finding Contentment in my crazy life with chronic illness. What’s a Christian girl to do?

Those of us who are walking through intense suffering, loss or some form of trauma often find ourselves going through different stages of grief and emotions and that's okay. Please be gentle and kind to yourself.

During a really hard relapse with my chronic illness I've often found myself having negative self talk like, "I will never get better" "My suffering will be permanent" "I can't do this anymore".

Other times I have found myself on the opposite side of the continuum in toxic positivity, thinking, "All positive vibes" "Hurting, pain and tears are weakness and self pity" "Emotions are negative" "Cast down every thought" "God will heal me if I’m obedient enough and do x, y and z.”

Yes, some forms of positivity can be just as toxic as negativity depending on how we use it.

To be honest I think both of these places are common to anyone who has went through intense suffering. Often times we have to go through the mess to get to a healthy place of acceptance.

So if you find yourself in either of these two places, please don't look down on yourself. Trust in the process that God's taking you through and be patient with yourself.

Sometimes we can be our own worst critic.

The third place I have found myself in is "healthy acceptance".

This is the place where I have found contentment in my crazy mess.

This is the place where I have found that allowing myself to lament and grieve was okay with God and it was healthy for me.

This is where my pain was validated and I allowed myself to trust God and I fully felt the emotions that came with suffering. I realized it wasn't negative, it was part of my healing.

Here is where I realized that nothing is permanent and my chronic illness relapse wouldn't last forever.

God is the only thing that never changes, he is constant and I know I can trust in him. He promises to bring good from all things. So Some how, some way I know he will bring good from this.

This is the place where I found self compassion and I realized I'm doing the best I can do.

This is the place where I found acceptance in my new life with chronic illness.

This is the place where I've found that my great big enemy "suffering" has helped shape me into something beautiful and strong.

God is turning His daughter into one heck of a warrior.

There is no easy fix to tragedy or trauma. It's a process. It's a road that we walk individually with God. Each with our own unique timeline. Each with our own unique journey and lessons to learn.

Sometimes, I can find that my journey is taking way longer than someone else's and that's okay.

I can't compare my journey to the path that others are on. Our life, our calling and our purpose are not the same.

When I find myself battling with toxic negativity, I remember that many of God's greatest warriors experienced physical illness, depression and suffering. In the end they always came out victorious and so will I.

When I find myself on the other side of the continuum in toxic positivity. Where I'm beating myself up, denying the pain, thinking I must always speak positive things into existence. I realize that this isn't any healthier than negative self talk. Both have a heavy burden that weren't meant for me to carry.

I have, unfortunately, had to walk through both of these places to find a healthy place and some days are still a real struggle. I haven't arrived and I am still growing and learning.

Grief has been a long hard process with many stages that none of us are immune to.

So please be patient with yourself on the hard days and remember nothing lasts forever and good days will come. May we walk by faith and not by what we see in the natural. It may look really bad but this is just a season. Girl, you and God have got this!

*This blog was created to be an online community for women to find encouragement. Here you will find Bible Study on life, faith through health challenges, marriage, prayer and mental health. You will also find a splash of information on chronic illness, me/cfs, pots, fibromyalgia, EDS, supplements, functional and naturopathic medicine, as well as diet and healthy eating tips.

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*Disclaimer: Any health information that is given on this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. You should always consult with your Doctor or Mental Health Provider before making any changes to your diet, medications, supplements or exercise routine.

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